02 April, 2014
This time that I'm spending alone with Emma has kind of forced us into a different dynamic, where she understands that this is harder for me, and so she's kinder to me. Plus, I think that because we both miss her dad we're able to commiserate a little bit, so it kind of feels like we're on a team. We're in this together.
Whatever the case, I'm so grateful for it, because it's allowed me to spend more quality time with her. I feel like I'm getting to know a part of myself by doing things with her. For instance, I took her to the movies a couple of weekends ago to see the new Muppet movie, and that nite, at bedtime, she told me she didn't like it because the "fake Kermit" scared her, and it just made her really sad that the real Kermit was in jail for no reason. I'm not telling you this to spoil the movie, but because when I was a kid my little sister liked to watch this Sesame Street movie called Follow That Bird, and it would stress me the fuck out when Big Bird was kidnapped and painted blue. I hated watching the movie because it made me sad.
Her reaction reminded me so much of me. She reminds me so much of me. Sometimes I have trouble wrapping my mind around it. I made an actual person who looks and acts like me. What even?