late nite ramblings

- I woke up a couple of weeks ago and grabbed a banana for breakfast, however I couldn't finish it because the taste disgusted me. I thought I just had a bad banana, so I tossed them, and bought more. The next day I made peanut butter toast, with sliced banana on it, and again, I could not eat it without wanting to throw up. What the hell? Apparently my taste buds have decided they're no longer a fan? I don't know. It's very disturbing, and I can't stop thinking about it. I can put them in things, like smoothies, or bake with them, but I cannot eat them anymore. This whole thing is upsetting me right now, moving on.

- The first big city I ever visited was San Francisco, and it was then that I decided I was meant to live in a city. This thought has been reaffirmed with every visit to a large city, I enjoy being able to get around by foot or public transportation, while getting lost in a crowd of people, and having access to so many things. The last place that left me aching for city life was London. Sometime in between then and now, something changed. I got the memo when I went to Chicago last week, and found myself wishing for trees and quiet instead of subways and pavement. So many times while I was there I caught myself daydreaming of Big Bend.

- Speaking of Chicago! I had a lot of fun there. Too much to list here, so more on that later. :)

- I'm having shoe issues over here. I bought a new pair of running shoes online to replace a pair of old ones. I bought an updated style of the same ones I had, and when they arrived they were too big. I bought an entirely different pair while in Chicago, and used them there to workout, but when I got home and went for a run I decided I don't like them for running at all. So now I'm back at square one, and I feel like such a jerk, because I have so many damn pairs of shoes that I need therapy.

- Speaking of the gym! I've been doing a new routine for the last 6 weeks, and it has opened my eyes to a whole new fitness world. I'm basically doing a lot of weightlifting, and I'm addicted. I just took some pictures this morning so I could compare them to the ones I took at the beginning of February, and WOW. The most important victory for me is that I feel so, so good. I have tons of energy, and I'm happier than I've been in a very long time. I'm not looking to get ripped or anything, but I'm definitely enjoying feeling strong.

- The weather here has been insanely perfect. I've had my windows/doors open every day this week. We've had some rain, and I'm seeing signs of spring popping up - which makes my heart happy. It's the most wonderful time of the year!

- So that's about it. My week has mostly consisted of errands, and taking care of stuff around the house. Next week I hit the job search right in the face because I'm starting to go a little stir crazy, and I'm running out of things to do. :)

What's going on with you? Any plans for the weekend?

monday musings

I saw this in my facebook feed this morning and it made my heart happy.

This song is on constant repeat in my head.

I made these for breakfast last week, and holy yum.

Since I'm not working right now, I can make it to hot yoga. I'm working on this pose. I'm hoping I'll have it down by the end of the month!

I'm obsessed with this face mask. It leaves your skin feeling so, so soft. I've never used anything that compares to it.


Happy Monday! I hope you all had a great weekend. Mine was boring, for the most part. I've been trying to kick a sickness that has been lingering for way too long, but I did manage to make it to the gym twice, watched a few episodes of House of Cards, and we went out for bbq at my favorite place, so I can't complain! Also, I fixed the video in my last post, it had no sound, so go back and give it a watch. It's worth 10 minutes of your time.

(photo via)

this is water

I feel like to appropriately tell this story I have to start with a preface.

Midland isn't like anything you could imagine. It is an oil town, and up until recently it was a small town. However with advances in technology, oil companies saw $$$ out here, and people began to migrate here for jobs because it's a very high paying industry. There's no way that this town could accommodate to the growing population in a timely manner, and subsequently there were a lot of economic woes to follow because of overcrowding. Unfortunately, because no one wants to (can afford to) live here unless they're in the oil industry, other industries suffer. For example, I had a broken stove for over a month because the property management where I live can't find maintenance workers. No one cares. Want to go out to eat? Be prepared to endure a long wait (2 hours on a weekend), and also be prepared for sub par customer service. No one cares. In a rush at the grocery store? Don't be, because there are only 3 (stores) and 150,000 people who are also in a hurry, and we're all just going to have to wait. The icing on the shit cake is that it's really ugly and boring here. The land is just flat dirt, there's no real grass, no trees, just mesquite bushes, the water smells like rotten eggs, and the air smells like hydrogen sulfide. It's boring because no one wants to be here long (we're all here to make a quick buck, and then go) so people don't really invest in starting new businesses. There are movie theaters, a bowling alley, and a mall that literally has a ROSS in it (LOL).

I think I've painted a good enough picture. It's the ugly step child of Texas. This isn't a post about how much I hate where I live. I've been here for 7 months, and it took me 6 of them to stop being angry that I ended up here. Everyone that knows me has told me to just shut the fuck up or move at some point during the last 6 months, and I've thought about it, (moving, not shutting the fuck up.) In October I came really close to enrolling in grad school, just for a reason to leave. I spent a lot of sleepless nites thinking about how much I missed my old home, and how I'd give up the money and opportunity to just go back to living somewhere that made me happy, because isn't that what life is all about? But there was a nagging question in the back of my mind; what kind of example would I be setting for my daughter if I quit something just because it was hard?

Life isn't just about being happy. I've learned this through years of depression. Life is about cycles; good and bad, and lessons, and endurance, and seriously, someone just life hire me as a life coach already.

When I started thinking about what I could learn in my time here, I felt a shift and I wasn't angry anymore. I'm trying to learn patience, most of all, but I'm also realizing that all situations come with advantages and disadvantages, and someday I'm going to miss right now, regardless of how hard it feels right now. I'm learning to appreciate things for what they are. (Despite my 3am twitter rants about waking up to the smell of hydrogen sulfide!)

I watched this video the other day and it was a much needed reminder that we have the ability to make a choice about how we react to life. I wanted to post it here, because I know we all reach a point in life when things get tough, and we forget what is important.

Happy Wednesday, friends. Today I'm choosing to be happy. I hope you will too. :)

weekend therapy (+hello)

Hi.

It's been awhile since I've written here, and a lot of things have come and gone since.

Strangely, because I've always had an aversion to change, I'm finding a lot of comfort in the fact that nothing lasts forever.

I got laid off from my job last week because of the down trend that's going on in the oil market right now. I wallowed in it all week, and then took a road trip over the weekend because I needed a mental break.

I drove to Big Bend, fell in love with Texas just a little bit more, climbed a mountain, and then melted into a hot tub. It was the best day I've had in awhile.

I kind of feel like I've forgotten how to write here - or how to write at all, but I miss this space, and I think about it often. So here are some pictures until next time.

xo

order

Today is my birthday and for the last few days leading up to it, I've been thinking about prior, memorable for various reasons, birthdays. I've never been good at celebrating them. Its has been my experience that I expect too much out of people, and generally end up disappointed. Hence, birthdays have never really been my thing.

When I was a kid my parents had to force me to participate in my own party, every year. There's an infamous picture of my from my 5th birthday where I'm crying while blowing out the candles.

On my 7th birthday I hid in a tree in my front yard while my friends, that my mom invited, were inside playing. After finding me, my dad made me come inside and open up gifts, and I spent the rest of the day wearing my bitchface.

On my 13th birthday it was raining. I walked home from the bus stop listening to The Counting Crows on my Walkman, and when I walked in the house was completely dark and no one was home. My older sister had a baby the day before, so my family was at the hospital with her. A random friend of our family dropped by that evening with a birthday cake for me.

At the time of my 21st birthday I was living with my ex-husband (not my ex-husband then, definitely my ex-husband now.) We had plans to go out for dinner and drinks to celebrate my birthday. While I was in the shower he went out for a bag of weed and didn't come home until the next day. I ate Taco Bueno for dinner, alone.

On my 25 birthday I was going through a divorce from the aforementioned husband, and I was living alone for the first time. My friends took me out, and we ran into a guy I was dating... and his girlfriend. I proceed to get embarrassingly drunk, and I threw up in my friends car at the end of the nite.

My 27th birthday was my favorite. I was 9 months pregnant, and I had no plans, other than to have dinner with Bryan. I talked to my brother on the phone several times that day, nothing out of the ordinary for us, and at one point I let him go so I could shower. My phone was ringing when I got out, and it was my brother again, asking me if I was out of the shower and dressed. "What the fuck kind of question is that? Of course I'm dressed, I wouldn't talk to you while I'm naked" I replied, at which time I heard my doorbell ringing, and I told him I needed to go because there was someone at my door, and I was in fact, not dressed. I quickly threw some clothes on and answered the door, and it was my brother. He drove 3 hours to have dinner with me on my birthday.

This year I was kind of expecting my shitty birthday trend to continue, but I woke up to an email from a company I interviewed with last week. They offered me a job. Not just any job though, my dream job.

So instead of being a pessimist all day, I'm going to get in a workout at the gym, and a barre class too. And then I'm going to buy something nice because god dammit I am proud of myself. This just might be my year after all.